I Loved Her First
by Chelsea Oz
Summary: One shot. A re-telling of Scout and Dill's wedding day told through Atticus' POV. Being the father of the bride is never easy...
I thought I was going to be fine; I had been through this before. My only daughter, the one and only Jean Louise Finch, was getting married today. I never thought this day was going to happen. My daughter was a very special little girl in that she didn't want to be Snow White or Cinderella like most little girls do; she wanted to be Tarzan or Robinson Carusoe. She was independent, wild, messy and an absolute breath of fresh air. Women like my sister Alexandra snuffed at my daughter's high-spirited nature but the women who knew her best like Miss Maudie and Calpurnia absolutely adored her. I know my wife in heaven has been looking over her and I'm sure that she has been loving her all along. Oh, you should be here, Jean.

I think my poor daughter was an even worse bundle of nerves than I was. I really couldn't blame her because I remember how nervous I was right before I married Jean. Then again, maybe the jitters are worse for the bride than the groom. The bride has all eyes on her as she walks down the aisle, she has to get permission to get kissed, she has to let another man take over...

"Honey, your weddin is not until noon and I'd rather not have you pass out during your nuptuals," I told her, truthfully.

"I probably will with or without food," she replied.

"Honey, just try, please."

I was relieved when my encouragement got through to her. Wedding or not, I just want my daughter to be all right. I just have to keep telling myself that she will be just fine once the ceremony starts. I leave Scout at the table so I can begin to get ready. I would have thought my joints would flare up with all my nerves and dare I say stress but I felt fine in that regard. I think I will take that as a good sign. I was able to wash myself up in the bathroom and then go to my room where I was able to put my tuxedo on all by myself. It was a good morning I decided as I check myself out in the mirror. I heard the shower running and I knew it was Scout due to the fact that Dill was with Jem and out on the town. I believe they were out to breakfast which gave Sara, my daughter-in-law, time to help get Scout dressed. I knocked on the bathroom door and warned Scout not to be too long. Oh how a part of me wished she could take her time, though.

Going to Sara's was going to be the hard part because that's really where Jean Louise Finch was going to morph into Jean Louise Harris. That makes me realize how much I am not ready for this. I went downstairs and paced the floor until I saw Scout walk down the stairs wearing a t-shirt, jeans and wet hair. She almost looked like a little girl again and boy did I miss the little girl she once was. She must be in this woman somehow. The illusion is really slashed when she had to drive to Sara's. Although I usually perferred to walk, I missed being able to drive when I could. We didn't say a word to each other the whole ride even though it wasn't that much a drive to Jem and Sara's house.

"Ready to look like a bride?" Sara asked Scout as soon as we walked in the door. I certainly wasn't ready for her to look like a bride.

"Mighty fine tux you got there," Sara complimented as soon as we greeted each other.

"Thank you," I replied as she took Scout by the hand and lead her to the bathroom. She tries to smile at me as she walks away but I can tell there's a hint of fear in her eyes.

"Go with Sara," I whisper to myself once they enter the bathroom and the door shuts. "You're okay, honey."

Was I okay, though? I sit down on Sara's sofa, clasp my hands together and bounce my knees up in down in anticipation. Scout has no idea we're doing this but a few days ago I dug out Jean's pearl necklace and wedding band that were meant to be Scout's anyway and I was to give them to her for a something old. Sara has the necklace hidden away in her own jewlery box and Jem has her wedding ring and will give it to her at the altar. When Scout is done being ready, I will present the necklace to her and tell her about the ring. I'm awaiting the raw emotions that are to lie ahead.

"Are you ready?" Sara asked, coming into the living room.

"I don't think so," I answered honestly. We were talking low so Scout couldn't hear us.

"Scout's going to be fine," Sara reassured me as she took my hand. "I promise."

"You're a good girl, honey," I said as I patted her hand and gave her cheek a kiss.

"Well," she said as she returned my kiss. "Should I go get the necklace?"

"Yes."

I feel so grateful that Jem has a such a sweet lady for a wife. Poor woman must be a saint to put up with my bull-headed son. I love my son very much but I just don't know sometimes.

"Here you go," Sara said as she handed me the jewlery.

"That was fast," I commented as I took the precious items. Sara giggled as she walked away I assume to get ready herself. Once she was out of sight, I gave the jewlery a kiss for reasons I'm not even sure of. Maybe I was doing it as a superstitious blessing.

"You got to help me, Jean," I whisper as I make my way to the bathroom. I gulp as I knock and ask Scout if she's ready to come on out of there. She wondered where Sara was and why I was going to give her the something old but I just simply told her Sara wanted me to give them to her. The look on her face when she saw me with her mother's necklace said it all. This moment was everything I hoped it would be. I was so proud of myself when I was able to get the darn thing on her.

"I love you so much," she told me after all that. I wanted to hear nothing more.

"Come here, baby," I told her as she flew into my arms.

 _Yes, Scout, you will always be my baby. If I had my way I wouldn't let you go. There were many, many times when you've needed me but I wonder if you would ever believe me if I told you that many, many times I needed you too. Thank you for always giving me a reason to get up out of bed everyday. Thank you for being the ray of sunshine my sister always swore you weren't. Thank you for never listening to her. Thank you for letting me be your father. This is the part where I remember that you are not a part of me; you came through me. This is why I'm choosing not to speak right now. You need to be free to live your best life and if that means marrying Dill, you bet your sweet self I want you to do it._

"Are we ready?" Sara asked as she came out of her bedroom. She looked beautiful in her pink sundress, black heels and her own set of pearls.

"You look like a picture," I told her which causes them both to laugh.

"What's so funny?"

"You never say a picture of what!" They said at the same time while they continued to laugh. I don't get it, I always thought it was a nice thing to say.

Sara took over the steering wheel as I rode with Scout in the backseat. Scout took my hand and held it all the way to City Hall. I looked at her with a smile as I would lovingly squeeze it from time to time. Again, nobody said a word to each other on the ride there.

"Here we go," Sara said as she parked the car and got out to help us out. Scout's hand formed a death grip over mine but she loosened up when she saw me wince a little.

"I'm sorry," Scout finally said to me as we made our way in the building, still following Sara. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"No, it's okay," I said to her as Sara guided us into the appointment room as soon as the clock rang noon. We were right on time as we should be. I breathed in deep as Scout latched on to my arm, again a little too hard.

"Ready or not," I said, trying to be funny and comforting. I don't know if I did a good job.

I took our walk down the aisle in. I looked at my son and he looked so proud of his sister. It's a miracle how much my children love each other and it's an even bigger miracle that they didn't kill each other. I looked back at Scout who could only look straight ahead due to nerves. I smiled at Dill who looked all too ready to claim his prize. I really do love the kid but wow, I could have keeled over when I not so much as put her hand in his that he planted one on her. Jem was rather appalled himself and he wasn't afraid to show it. I scolded him as I wondered which of the men were more embarrassing right now.

"I love you," I said to Jean Louise Finch one last time. I kissed her cheek like I had done everyday all her life and I took a seat next to my daughter-in-law.

I'll be goddamned if I saw myself and my wife again. I can still clearly picture me and Jean saying our, "I do's." The way my wife looked, the way she smelt, the way she felt, the way she talked. My mind played this trick on me with both my children now and I was beginning to wonder if this was how I didn't break down and cry at their ceremonies. Me and Jean were all set to kiss again until Dill went ahead and inappropriately kissed my daughter for the second time. I was appalled at the way he was kissing her. That was a kiss you save for the bedroom, not the altar. Of course Jem would think that was funny. I looked over at Sara who was blushing and that made me grin a little.

"Mr. and Mrs. Charles Baker Harris," the officiant proclaimed, signaling the ceremony was over. Jem and Sara clapped as I went up first to embrace my daughter and now son-in-law. Jem, Sara and even Dill got a kick out of the fact that I wiped Scout's mouth off before I kissed her.

"I love you, Atticus," Scout said to me as she kissed me back.

"I love you, too, baby," I told her as I made way for Sara and Jem to see her.

"Sorry I got carried away, sir," Dill apologized.

"You should be," I said deadpan before pulling him into a hug. "Congratulations."

"Thanks for letting me have her."

"Thank you for wanting her."

I meant that.


End file.
